But I WANT It!!

Sometimes I feel dumb when people ask me, "So, what do you want to be when you get older?" I feel dumb because I'm really not sure what I want to do...as far as a professional career goes. I enjoy music, and that's what I'm majoring in right now, but I don't have a "passion" for it.

Quite honestly, the only "career" that I know I want is that of a wife and mother. Ever since I was a kid, that's been my one strong desire. And now that I'm 18, that desire is stronger than ever, especially since, technically, I'm old enough to be in a serious relationship (although at this point, I know for a fact I'm not ready for one! :-)

I often talk with my mom about my desire for romance and marriage, and about the struggles I face as a college freshman surrounded, not only by guys my age, but also by other girls who have their own boyfriends.

It's not just romance, though. I'm developing other desires as I grow and mature. Desires for more independence. I want to "do things on my own," like get a job, go out with friends, etc. However, my parents (and God) repeatedly remind me to trust in His timing and plan, and to not rush into things based on emotion and impulse.

For no particularly profound reason, I recently decided to start reading through 1 Kings. Chapters 1-2 tell the story of Adonijah, David's oldest surviving son, and of his desire to be "independent." He wanted his father David's throne, despite the fact that God had given that throne to his younger brother, Solomon. So, behind his father's back, he crowned himself king. With lots of friends cheering him on, he held his own coronation ceremony! He even performed the appropriate religious rituals and sacrifices.

When David found out, he held his own coronation ceremony for Solomon. Adonijah, realizing the trouble he was in, got scared and decided to submit to his brother's authority. However, he eventually resumed his quest for power, and as a result, Solomon had him executed.

What a lesson! Adonijah desired to be king. He desired to be independent. Yet his rebellion and persistence in resisting God's will cost him his life.

This story challenged me, and it reinforced what I've been taught for a long time: God's timing and will are best. If I push for what I want now (romance, independence, my own way, etc.), I will certainly regret it! It doesn't matter how many friends I get on my side; Adonijah had plenty of outside support. It doesn't matter what religious motions I go through to justify my rebellion; Adonijah made the required sacrifices to God. Getting my way in opposition to God's way is always sinful.

What if I decided to push for romance...and got my way? I would probably end up in a stressful relationship that would divert my focus from my present callings of being a student and a daughter. I could place myself in a dangerous situation that caused me to compromise my purity and end up married to the completely wrong guy!

What if I decided to force my independence...and got my way? I could end up holding a job with a horrible atmosphere and many potentially dangerous influences that could pull me down spiritually.

It's scary, but it's true! I'm so thankful that God is using His Word and my parents to warn me and to impress these truths into my mind and heart.

Father,

help me to pursue Your plan and purpose for my life.
Help me to focus on Your will for me,
and not to pursue my will for me.
Thank You for Your promises to meet all of my needs,
and thank you for the truth that if marriage
is a part of Your plan for me,
and if gaining a little more Independence
is in Your will,
You will provide all that is necessary!
I love You!
Amen.

Change my heart, Lord...

Lord, I'm convicted that I am overly obsessed with earning acceptance and praise from others. I know this is wrong. I know this is a problem.

Help me to dwell on this unmovable, unchanging, absolute truth: Your love is all that I need. I don't need to "earn" that love because You grant it to me freely.

I don't need attention and adoration from the opposite sex, my peers, or the world to be completely fulfilled. Your favor, friendship, and approval are all that I need to satisfy me. Your faithfulness is the only truth that I can completely rest in and rely on. The only thoughts and feelings that I need to dwell on are those which center around Your unfailing love, power, righteousness, and greatness.

If you are my Satisfaction, my one consuming Thought, the One Who infiltrates my thoughts, desires, and innermost longings, I will be completely satisfied. Give me a pureness of heart. I cannot develop this purity by myself. I can only become completely consumed by You if I walk by Your Spirit and stay constantly connected to You, I can only be connected to You through Your Word and through a spirit of prayer, praise, trust, love, and desire for You.

Help me to bring my thoughts into captivity, and to center my thoughts around YOU, not around ME and the attention that I want.

You are so merciful!

I love you!

Amen.

I just bought this song. It's from the album "This Is Our God" by Hillsong, and it's GORGEOUS! Enjoy!

Desert Song
by Brooke Fraser

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.

God-vision

The other day in class, one of my professors repeated a quote he had heard once; it is so challenging and goes against everything my flesh desires. The quote was,

Don't sacrifice the ultimate on the altar of the immediate.

He also warned that "it's really easy to give up the potential of tomorrow for the glory of today."
Wow!
This professor was talking about the importance of vision in the Christian life. And no...he was NOT talking about the stereotypical "vision" that so many people, believers and nobelievers alike, strive for...you know...the "follow-your-heart-and-do-what-you-want-to-do" kind of vision. No, he was talking about "seeing beyond today"...realizing that, most of the time, following fleshly impulses is a dangerous thing.
My professor went on to say that the Christian also needs "Clear and convicted decisions." They must know "where they're going," and they must be determined that they are "not going to sell out to anyone but Jesus Christ." Amen Professor Leigh!

Dear Lord,

Help me to stay focused on You.

It's so hard sometimes; hundreds of different things

divert my attention from You and Your truth every day.

So often I give into my flesh,

dwelling on those subjects that are either impure and foolish,

or unnecessary and unimportant.

Help me to stay focused on YOUR TRUTH.

Help me to have God-vision:

vision that is zeroed in on living for and selling out to You ALONE.

Help me to "Do Hard Things,"

and to never "sacrifice the ultimate on the altar of the immediate."

Thank You so much for Your incredible and unending

patience.

Amen.

No Fear!

2 Timothy 1:7: "For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment."

Such a familiar, simple, yet profound statement. "God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness."

Think about that...we have no reason to fear anything: not temptation, not trials, not the high cost of standing alone. When we're faced with a tough decision, we don't have to freak out and and make a rushed choice. We can make a choice based on "sound judgement." God gives wisdom. Hallelujah!

I'm starting school next Tuesday, and I've already started pre-season volleyball workouts. I know I will be faced with tough choices (in fact, I already have). I don't have to shy away from righteousness because I'm scared of what people might think or because it's just plain easier to NOT do the "hard thing." The same power that "raised Christ from the dead" resides in me. I have been given a spirit of power. God gives strength. Hallelujah!

Just some thoughts...

The PERFECT Friend!

I just read this awesome Psalm:

146:

1 Hallelujah!

My soul, praise the Lord.

2 I will praise the Lord all my life;

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live.

3 Do not trust in nobles,

in man, who cannot save.

4 When his breath leaves him,

he returns to the ground;

on that day his plans die.

5 Happy is the one whose help is the God of Jacob,

whose hope is in the Lord his God,

6 the Maker of heaven and earth,

the sea and everything in them.

He remains faithful forever,

7 executing justice for the exploited

and giving food to the hungry.

The Lord frees prisoners.

8 The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord raises up the those who are oppressed.

The Lord loves the righteous.

9 The Lord protects foreigners

and helps the fatherless and the widow,

but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

10 The Lord reigns forever;

Zion, your God reigns

for all generations.

Hallelujah!

Wow! How challenging! "Do not trust in...man, who cannot save. When his breath leaves him...on that day his plans die." Ultimately, no friend or family member can totally satisfy or fulfill my every need.

Sometimes it seems like they can. I know that I will sometimes have high expectations of my friends, and then suddenly, those expectations will all come crashing down around my ears when my friends don't fulfill them.

Now don't get me wrong...God gave us friends and fellow believers to support and love us. And I'm not saying that all friends are disloyal jerks! However, this Psalm says that my primary strength and hope should come from God. He is the only One who never fails me...ever! I mean, look at that list in verses 5-10!

He is the Maker of all that is...He knows the details of every one of His individual creations!

He is eternally faithful...He'll never "dump" us when we need Him the most!

He defends the "exploited"...He knows and cares when we're mistreated!

He provides for our physical needs...including our need for nourishment!

He frees the imprisoned, blind, and oppressed...His truth sets us free!

He looks after the "outcasts" and those who "don't belong"...we all feel like foreigners at one time or another!

He "helps the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the ways of the wicked." He is compassionate and loving towards those who need it the most. He is the ultimate Father!

He "reigns forever"...He'll never lose His authority!!

Wow...how amazing! Thank you, Lord, for your indescribable love!

Today I am thankful for God's love, God's wisdom, and God's perfect plans.

My family and I have been facing some "unforeseen" and difficult changes lately, and these changes could lead to even more difficult ones in the near future. It's interesting because a couple of years ago, I would never have dreamed that these changes could possibly take place. They DO NOT coincide with my plans...and even though these changes aren't tragic or unbearable, they are still stressful.

However...

It's been sooooo comforting to realize that God's got it all under control! Even though I never saw these events coming, He's known they were coming since before I or my parents were even born! When I focus on that concept, I feel so much better! BELIEVE ME, I have NOT controlled my mind perfectly. Yes...there have been times of hyperventilation!! But God's truth is still truth!!

Last week, our pastor spoke about Saul's conversion. He, as well as several of the men who shared, pointed out how Saul's/Paul's story was timed by God. For example, why didn't God appear to Saul before he had traveled 5 out of the 6 days it took to get to Damascus? In fact, why didn't God appear to Saul before He started arresting and killing all those Christians? The answer, Pr. Gerry pointed out, was that God had a plan. He works all things together so that He is glorified!! That means that the changes that my family is going through are for God's glory...He has it all figured out!! Thank you Lord!

I just read this Psalm, and even though plenty of people care about me (vs 4) and no one is hunting me down (vs 6), I can still take it's main message personally.

Psalm 142

1 I cry aloud to the Lord;

I plead aloud to the Lord for mercy.

2 I pour out my complaint before Him;

I reveal my trouble to Him.

3 Although my spirit is weak within me,

You know my way.

Along this path I travel

they have hidden a trap for me.

4 Look to the right and see;

no one stands up for me;

there is no refuge for me;

no one cares about me.

5 I cry to You, Lord;

I say, "You are my shelter,

my portion in the land of the living."

6 Listen to my cry,

for I am very weak.

Rescue me from those who pursue me,

for they are too strong for me.

7 Free me from prison

so that I can praise Your name.

The righteous will gather around me

because You deal generously with me.

Iris is our host...find more Thankful Thursdays by clicking here...

Musical Monday

I just discovered this song by Joy Williams, and I love it. It's so beautiful. I've added it to my playlist, so if you want to hear it (Joy Williams has a gorgeous voice), just scroll to the very bottom of this page, and click on the song's title.

Beautiful Redemption

by Joy Williams

I've had my forty days and forty nights at sea,

I've had forty years in the wilderness, or so to speak,

I've walked with sand from the ocean floor on my feet,

To turn and say you left me.

I'm a doubting Thomas needing to believe,

I'm a perfumed sinner just like Magdalene,

I'm Judas kissing on your cheek eager to decieve,

I am all of these.

Chorus:
I cry, Father, Father, forgive me

You say, Child, I already have.

You are beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption,

You are Beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

I'm the guilty thief that's hanging by your side,

and my shame is dying with your sacrifice,

And all my fears come crashing down

as I look in your eyes,

I see paradise.

Hallelujah (we all, we all, we all fall down) x 4

You are beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

You are Beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

~~~~~~

Isn't that beautiful? He's already forgiven us, no matter what we've done. No matter how badly we behaved, no matter how greatly we've doubted, no matter how drastically we've strayed from Him...He's forgiven us! All we need to do is "cry 'Father, Father, forgive me!'" That's God's promise, and we can be certain that He will keep it!!

HYPERVENTILATION!!!

I don't normally respond to stress very well. When something challenging comes up, I usually... kind of...sort of...definitely...hyperventilate! Mom normally tells me, "Brianna, think truth. Is this really a big deal?" I know she's right, but I usually just go right on stressing for a while.

OK, so last night, Mom and I were working on my blog. We were looking at templates and trying to find one that would match my header. Well, we decided to experiment, and we downloaded a template that didn't really match...so I started stressing! We also deleted stuff from the sidebar by accident, so I was stressing out about that, too. Then in the middle of all this, our Internet went down, so we couldn't change anything, and so I REALLY stressed out...did I mention I was stressed??? :-)

Well, then I started thinking, "OK, Brianna...this IS NOT WORTH LOSING A NIGHT'S SLEEP OVER...you need to start listening to your mom and thinking truth! What's the truth? Well, I know I'll be able to fix this tomorrow, and I also know that in 20 years, when I'm fondly reminiscing about my first blog, I probably won't remember that time that I had a funny looking template for a few hours. And obviously, God has some reason for all this happening. Maybe He's trying to teach me how to respond to stress." Well, it took me a while, but I did finally calm down, and I slept VERY WELL!! :-)

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is TRUE, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."

This is something I'll be working on for a long time...until I die!!! THANK YOU LORD (and MOM!) for your patience!!

SEEK HIS FACE WITH ME!
LOVE~BRIANNA