Change my heart, Lord...

Lord, I'm convicted that I am overly obsessed with earning acceptance and praise from others. I know this is wrong. I know this is a problem.

Help me to dwell on this unmovable, unchanging, absolute truth: Your love is all that I need. I don't need to "earn" that love because You grant it to me freely.

I don't need attention and adoration from the opposite sex, my peers, or the world to be completely fulfilled. Your favor, friendship, and approval are all that I need to satisfy me. Your faithfulness is the only truth that I can completely rest in and rely on. The only thoughts and feelings that I need to dwell on are those which center around Your unfailing love, power, righteousness, and greatness.

If you are my Satisfaction, my one consuming Thought, the One Who infiltrates my thoughts, desires, and innermost longings, I will be completely satisfied. Give me a pureness of heart. I cannot develop this purity by myself. I can only become completely consumed by You if I walk by Your Spirit and stay constantly connected to You, I can only be connected to You through Your Word and through a spirit of prayer, praise, trust, love, and desire for You.

Help me to bring my thoughts into captivity, and to center my thoughts around YOU, not around ME and the attention that I want.

You are so merciful!

I love you!

Amen.

Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot

I recently started reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. Mrs. Elliot was the wife of Jim Elliot, the missionary who was killed by the Auca (Waodani) Indians in 1956. This book is the story of her relationship with Jim. Filled with snippets from her personal journals, as well as Bible verses, hymn lyrics, etc., it is the story of a young couple who greatly loved each other yet chose to wait. Not only did they maintain their purity, but they also made the difficult decision to hold off on marriage until they were certain of God's will for their lives. Neither one was certain that God wanted them to marry...ever. They both knew that going with their emotions and marrying outside of God's will would jeopardize their commitment to Christ and His glory. Though it was extremely difficult to rely on His perfect plan, which they realized could include singleness, they trusted God to make His will clear in His perfect timing. Below is an especially challenging portion of their story. It takes place right after they confessed their feelings for each other and committed, for the time being, to not become engaged.
E. Elliot says:

I began to learn to wait. Patient waiting does not come naturally to most of us, but a great deal is said about it in the Bible. It is an important discipline for anyone who wants to learn to trust....

[Journal entry from] June 9, 1948--....To wait on the Lord is to stand perfectly still....can [Jim and I] trust His words, "Is not the Lord your God with you? and hath he not given you rest on every side?..." (1 Chronicles 22:18)

....It was on the evening of the same day, June 9, that Jim and I walked out to a cemetery and sat down on a stone slab. I told him I did not think it would help us much in discerning God's direction if we started right in on a heavy correspondence. Wouldn't it make more sense to "cool it"? Not that we used that expression in those days, but it says what I meant. To allow for the perspective that both distance and silence could give might help us to see the whole thing with cool reason.
Jim thought that over for a few minutes. Then he spoke of the story he had read in his Bible study that morning--the story of Abraham's offering up of the most precious thing in his life: his son Isaac. "So I put you on the altar," he said.
Slowly we became aware that the moon, which had risen behind us, was casting the shadow of a stone cross on the slab between us.
We were silent for a very long time, pondering this undeniable sign. What Abraham did was the ancient prelude to the full revelation of the love of God. The readiness to give up his son and the rewards promised because of it--again, the central truth of the Cross was brought to us in a strange and mysterious manner. When the silence became heavy, Jim said, "And what is to be done with the ashes?" Time would show.

What a challenging story! Two people who were willing to give up what their flesh longed for the most in order to follow God's design and purpose for their lives! They were willing to keep Christ and the truth of the Cross at the center of their hearts.
Lord, I pray that You would plant within me a desire to follow You alone, and that I would be willing to give up what I want so that You might be glorified and honored through my life. Amen.

Musical Monday

I just discovered this song by Joy Williams, and I love it. It's so beautiful. I've added it to my playlist, so if you want to hear it (Joy Williams has a gorgeous voice), just scroll to the very bottom of this page, and click on the song's title.

Beautiful Redemption

by Joy Williams

I've had my forty days and forty nights at sea,

I've had forty years in the wilderness, or so to speak,

I've walked with sand from the ocean floor on my feet,

To turn and say you left me.

I'm a doubting Thomas needing to believe,

I'm a perfumed sinner just like Magdalene,

I'm Judas kissing on your cheek eager to decieve,

I am all of these.

Chorus:
I cry, Father, Father, forgive me

You say, Child, I already have.

You are beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption,

You are Beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

I'm the guilty thief that's hanging by your side,

and my shame is dying with your sacrifice,

And all my fears come crashing down

as I look in your eyes,

I see paradise.

Hallelujah (we all, we all, we all fall down) x 4

You are beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

You are Beautiful,

Beautiful Redemption.

~~~~~~

Isn't that beautiful? He's already forgiven us, no matter what we've done. No matter how badly we behaved, no matter how greatly we've doubted, no matter how drastically we've strayed from Him...He's forgiven us! All we need to do is "cry 'Father, Father, forgive me!'" That's God's promise, and we can be certain that He will keep it!!

Loving Others...

One of the books I've been reading is called "Being a Girl Who Loves" by Shannon Kubiak Primicerio. This book has been very thought provoking for me personally. Today I was reading a chapter entitled "Every Hour of Every Day." The author described how challenging it is to continue in love, since "if you are anything like me, your attitudes of self-sacrifice and service are short-lived (pg 88)." She compares our "supply" of love to a car's fuel tank, and throughout this chapter, she talks about the need to go to Christ to refuel when our love has run dry. Below is a section which I found helpful.

Look at how John describes himself in John 21:20: "Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them; the one who also had leaned back on His breast at the supper, and said, 'Lord, who is the one who betrays you?'"
Verse 24 confirms that John is talking about himself here. But think about that for a moment. Instead of simply saying, "Peter turned and saw me" or "Peter turned and saw John," it says Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved, the one who had leaned on Jesus' breast. John was known as the disciple who loved....It was common for John to operate on a full love tank. After all, he was the "beloved disciple."
In 1 John 4:7-8 he tells us: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born on God and knows God." He's also the one who told us in John 3:16 that "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life."
...John was a disciple who loved because he knew how much he was loved. Early on--commentators and theologians say when he was just a teenager, not older than fifteen or sixteen--John learned the art of leaning back on Jesus' breast. He learned the art of intimacy with Christ, always going straight to the Lord to fill his love tank. And when people asked him who he was, he answered, "I'm the disciple Jesus loves."
Knowing that--and basking in it--kept John's love tank full. And with a full love tank he was able to love others more effectively. Those who know how much they are loved love much. Do you know how much you are loved?

This was a challenge to me personally; too many times, I grow lazy in loving others. Sometimes I just don't try because it's too hard. Sometimes I rely on my own strength...and I KNOW that doesn't work! But if I choose to focus on how Christ loved/loves me, this will motivate me to respond in love, even when my natural reaction is to respond in irritation or frustration.

SEEK HIS FACE WITH ME!
LOVE~BRIANNA